Eamonn Francis O’Neill O’Connor
Born
23rd Jan 2008

How do you write about the most amazing experience?…If you eat an elephant one bite at a time, then I guess you write one word at time…

You might imagine that I would be able to be calm and unexcited about this, my sixth birth, but I am more moved and thrilled than ever…obviously I am hopeless, and a birth and baby nutcase! I am so glad to be part of this community of women and men who will allow me to share this experience and smile indulgently at my hyperbole! (and overuse of exclamations marks!!!)

I had a fairly easy early pregnancy, not much nausea or heartburn. 3 years earlier I had medical tests to discover that my oesophagus has scar tissue caused by pregnancy heartburn. This can cause me to choke on food if I eat too hurriedly or while stressed. I also have a hiatus hernia which decreases the space available in my stomach. I had been taking some “me time” before I got pregnant…yoga class, having reflexology (therapist warned it could increase fertility!), massage and acupuncture.

I was previously diagnosed with 1st degree womb prolapse but met a very kind obstetrician on a check-up (after physiotherapy) who assured me that she thought another pregnancy would be ok. The diagnosing consultant hadn’t been so reassuring. I was thrilled to be having a baby, but was conscious of the worries our culture imposes about childbearing, with turning 40.

I contacted Dolores Staunton, who had of course retired, which was a little sad, as she had been our midwife for the previous three births and 2 miscarriages. I wanted to share the news with her anyway.

I rang Kate Spillane and told her I felt I was being premature booking her, as I was only 4 weeks pregnant, and was turning 40, etc. and her reassuring words set the tone for our relationship “you girls breastfeed for so long that you are actually younger”. I suppose she meant younger by missing out on menstrual cycles with breastfeeding to 2 years and beyond. I remember thinking that I didn’t care if what she was saying wasn’t research-based, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I also shared my fears with a one-time home birther and home educator who said to think of my 2 miscarriages as being my share of them, rather than predisposing me to another.

Darragh (20) headed to Hawaii for the summer so we told the children before he left. Oran laughed in a nervous way, slid off his chair and began to cry! He is a very sensitive and emotional lad. Darragh advised Oisin (13) and Emmet (11) that it would be a good time to ask for anything!

I was 9 weeks pregnant when a surprise 40th party was sprung on me (at home) ..obviously, primary maternal preoccupation had set in, if I didn’t question why Eddie was cleaning the kitchen floor at 3am! It was a wonderful day, I felt so loved. Oran (nearly 7 at the time) asked every few days what size Baby was and that week we had talked about the legs growing so I did joke that the shock of walking into my kitchen (from the polytunnel, in dirty jeans) to find 100+ people saying “surprise” could cause Baby a limp!

Elva turned 4 and weaned completely, though she had stopped night feeds before she was three. The morning feed was the last to go. She was so involved in the care and formed a special bond with Kate (and her 2 dogs!). She and Oran would talk to my stomach. Her question was usually “are you a boy or girl in there?” (She’s the only girl.)

The HSE Carlow/Kilkenny wanted me to be assessed for eligibility for grant payment, a new hurdle since last time. It involved having a wonderful midwife, Kathryn McSwiney, travel to us from Waterford where she does home and domino births. She came at 12 weeks and we had a lovely visit, though I questioned some of the criteria (e.g. hospital transfer for meconium in labour) on the form (pages of reasons for transfer to hospital care), which we had to sign. Kathryn was genuinely interested in which criteria I would disagree with. She told us that we might see an ambulance at our house, as they have to make a trial run during the pregnancy. I am torn between seeing these stipulations as sensible and caring, or fear-inducing and disempowering (not to mention the questionable use of resources involved), and wonder if it were my first pregnancy or home birth, would these conditions increase my feelings of worry?

She did get a heartbeat with the Doppler, and I thought “whatever happens, we heard your heart today, whether your span is 80 years or months or weeks or days”.

The HSE wrote a lovely letter to wish me well and promised 1,800 euro towards Kate’s fee plus 300 euro travelling expenses. I was glad to have received this, just before the Domiciliary Birth Implementation group

announced that everyone having a home birth would receive 1,500 towards the fee of an independent midwife.

With a midwife booked and grant confirmed, my next task was to get my mother near. She lives in Brisbane, Australia and I was so thankful she agreed to make the journey to share the birth with us.

Darragh came home in September and his American girlfriend arrived for inspection at Hallowe’en. He said he’d stay around for his 21st in November and the birth but then return to Hawaii.

After 28 weeks I did have great discomfort trying to sleep or rest, with pain in my shoulders and back. No, wait, that’s an understatement, I had very little rest the last 3 months! I love my bed and remember looking at it thinking “you are an instrument of torture”! I continued having acupuncture and massage. Some nights I couldn’t sleep or would wake in pain. I took 3am and 4am showers to soothe my back. I was feeling desperate enough to take paracetomol at times.

Baby took up a transverse position, which increased the discomfort. I had some acupuncture and got headphones to play classical music (apparently rock doesn’t work!) to encourage a head down position. I had the Moxibustion (herbal) sticks on standby to burn if there was no progress later on. Kate advised a scan. This showed the advantages of having had Kathryn come to visit. She had given me her mobile number and said to call a day ahead and she would do a scan for me. Just like that. Some independent midwives have had to get women to book into hospitals or get referral letters from Drs to access scans.

I don’t like scans. I don’t think we should expose babies to this untested technology (i.e. not followed up over generations for harmful effects) unless strictly necessary. Kate said we should get one to check placental site with the way Baby was lying, so we booked one the day after she had visited and confirmed a head down lie. On that day, I woke to watch as Baby slipped back to a transverse position! The scan confirmed this but Kathryn and another midwife Breda (whom we’d met when having a scan during the last miscarriage) were happy that the placenta was in a good position.

Siobhan Kramer loaned me her Hypnobirthing CDs and book and while I didn’t precisely follow the method (learning deep relaxation and visualisations, with a partner, to trigger during labour), I valued the time I spent listening to the guided relaxations at night. I realised I was quite tense.

Mum arrived two weeks before Christmas, then fell and broke her wrist. She was clever enough to do this hours before Kate’s visit. Kate had a veritable homoeopathic arsenal and lots of care tips. Mum chose to go to the bonesetter who lives 14 miles away, rather than opt for the A & E, X-ray, fracture clinic route. On another visit, Kate brought Mum a wrist splint. Am I being clear enough that birth is a family event so care of the entire household can become the midwife’s domain?!

My sister visited over Christmas and asked if we were ready. I replied that I just had to get some disposable nappies for the early weeks. I’d ordered Motherease cloth nappies from a member of our La Leche League group. Eddie responded by saying “I forgot we’d need nappies!” (Does paternal amnesia exist?) He regularly said “we’re not ready for this baby” as he was having a tough year at work and very stressed. He was also not sleeping much, with my nocturnal unease.

On New Year’s Eve I was very uncomfortable, doing laundry through Braxton Hicks contractions from 4am. At 8am I thought I’d try to lie down through the pains and if I couldn’t, I’d call Kate. Mum was at my sister’s so she returned and Kate arrived but things slowed down and an examination revealed no dilatation of my cervix. I felt like such an eejit, assuming I should know labour after so many experiences!

My due date wasn’t til Jan 16th and I had a very small bump so Kate was relieved and said she felt this Baby had growing left to do. She was lovely about the ‘false alarm’ and had at least three reasons why it was logical of me to call her!

Kate brought things every visit. A fleece for Baby, homoeopathic remedies, bottles of water to make up the remedies, labels for the bottles. She discussed these with Eddie, what he might give me in the event of different things occurring. It was very helpful for him to prepare in this way as he was worried she might not arrive for the birth.

On Monday Jan 21st, 6 days after my due date, Kate visited in the evening. My blood pressure was raised and there was a trace of something in my urine. Kate wouldn’t leave until she got a better blood pressure reading (I had pre-eclampsia and a C-section on Oisin, my 2nd birth). She said labour might be starting. We asked if she wanted to sleep over but she headed for home at midnight. We went to bed. At 1.20am, I woke and got out of bed just as the waters broke. When I phoned her, Kate was 5 mins from her home, and reassured me that her journey had taken her 1 hour 20 mins so we would see her soon. I was delighted and set about lighting candles in the bathroom, warming baby clothes on the radiator, lighting the fire in the bedroom and stoking the solid fuel cooker. Kate arrived before 3am. I had a bloody show at some point in the early hours.

I thought of texting my niece who lives nearby to ask if she wanted to call in to see her new cousin before going to school but thankfully, something stopped me.

Kate brought some lovely apple juice which I drank throughout the labour. What followed was a most frustrating day. I think I averaged 3 pains an hour, lasting mostly under a minute. On my last birth, it had been 3 hours from waters breaking to Elva’s arrival. I suppose I was expecting something similar. With things moving so slowly, Eddie thought he should go to work. I was very annoyed by this, but he justified it by saying he’d have an extra day after the birth if he worked this one. (He’s allowed three days paid leave). I felt he might miss it, should things speed up, as they had on Elva’s. I thought he said he’d be home by noon, but he said he’d be finished work by then, so around that time he phoned and collected fish and chips en route.

Labourland is a very strange country. We chatted and rested, ate and chatted some more. Elva helped Kate check Baby’s heartbeat and my blood pressure. Kate kept wanting me to lie down but I’d have my pain/contraction/surge/rush every 20 mins, through which I couldn’t lie down. We settled on my sitting on Darragh’s exercise ball (don’t freak Darragh, we covered it with an incontinence sheet!) and leaning into pillows propped on an armchair. I could rotate my hips during a pain and doze into the pillows in between.

Someone ( I think it was Darragh) cooked bacon, cabbage and spuds for dinner.

She would doze off and I’d try to sneak past her to the loo but she would always wake to ask how I was.

Around 7pm, Eddie announced we were going for a walk. (We had done this within an hour of Elva’s birth). I HATE putting on clothes after the waters have gone. It had rained most of the day but was dry now. I got dressed and had to wear wellies on the muddy lane. The pains were definitely more frequent on the walk. We were back within 40 mins. Eddie went to bed with Elva. I had asked the younger two if they wanted to be present at the birth. Oran said “I want to see the baby come out, but I don’t want to see you in pain”. Elva said “ I want to see baby but I don’t want to listen to you ‘nurning’” We had watched a home birth on a DVD and Elva had used that word to describe the low-pitched (bovine?) noise the woman made as the head crowned.

It was my father’s 75th birthday. Our relationship is fraught. Every so often throughout the day I would look at the bump and say “there are 366 days in this leap year. I can’t believe you are picking your grandfather’s birthday to get born”.

At 9pm, Kate said she wanted me to lie down and be heavy in the bed during a pain. She put the fleece she bought for the baby over me so it would have my scent for our newborn. (She thinks of EVERYTHING!)

Around 10pm I coudn’t bear being in bed any longer so I got up to go to the loo and this time Kate slept on! I got in the bath. The candles in the bathroom had long burnt out, mocking me. Around 11pm Kate woke and joined me in the bathroom. She timed a few pains and said they were longer than before. I wasn’t very comfortable in the water and after trying being on all fours, I got out. Determination to get on with this birth seized me. I told Kate I was going to turn the armchair around to lean into it, as I half-knelt, half-squatted on my rug at the fire. She set it up as I asked. I had a strong pain and asked her to make it stop! (Of course, if I’d been in a rational place, I’d have known this was transition). She was so gentle when she said “Monica, these are the pains that will get your baby born. We don’t want to stop them.” The next couple were VERY STRONG and I could feel Baby descending. Kate started to get busy unpacking her bag. I kept taking the remedies Kate had prepared. I checked the time and saw that it was 7 mins to midnight. I moaned to Kate “I need to pee but I don’t want to get up.“ “Well just pee” said the ever-practical and caring Kate, who had set up an incontinence sheet on the rug. That freedom blew my mind.

I started to make the sound, the one Elva calls “nurning” so Kate said she would get Eddie and said “Don’t push with the next pain or he’ll miss it.” I said “I promise I won’t “ as she hurried out but I was thinking “I can’t stop myself, I can’t promise that”. My nurning had woken him so he met Kate at the door of Elva’s and Oran’s room. I was aware that Kate and Eddie were behind me and on the next pain I just roared and pushed and then out came Baby in an almighty whoosh. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kate holding a new human being as I stood up and leaned on the armchair, shaking and saying “thank God it’s over”!

I saw we had a boy, small but grand, not just breathing but roaring. It was 8 mins past midnight on Wed. January 23rd. She said “the cord was around his neck, I thought you’d give me time to unwrap it!” We had discussed how she’d want me to sit down immediately after delivery to prevent any complications so I did, even though I hate sitting before the placenta comes, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I feared or remembered. He was crying as I held him and I kept saying “sorry, Baby”. Kate asked why I was apologising to him. I said I must have frightened him with my nurning! She got him to latch on immediately. Ed called Mum, Oisin and Emmet in to see him. I think Eddie cut the cord once it stopped pulsing and we gave him to Mum to hold while I squatted over a basin to deliver the placenta. Kate pushed on my pelvis somehow and that really helped.

I got into the bath for a brief wash and straight into bed. He was weighed in a mixing bowl lined with cotton wool on the kitchen scales and was a tiny 5lbs 12 ozs. ( I attribute this to not being able to eat large amounts and certainly nothing after 6pm at night, to avoid being woken with heartburn). Eddie took a wonderful few minutes of film on the digital camera, showing a calm and alert baby an hour after his birth. Kate was amazing. She showed us the miraculous placenta, gave breastfeeding tips I’d never heard of (I’ve been a La Leche League Leader for 12 years!), brought in Pepsi for the boys’ celebratory drink, dealt with what could have been chaos in the most calm, controlled and loving way. I ate and drank and was conscious more of exhaustion than the elation I’d remembered from other births. It was almost 5am when Kate went home, and we settled to sleep. Elva, Oran and Darragh met their new brother a few hours later and were all charmed.

The next few days were a blur of adjustment, wonder and awe at this new being, delight at feeling hungry again, what with my oesophagus and hernia challenges, but mainly an overwhelming love for this creature.

I discovered that the homoeopathic remedy Sepia made a huge improvement to the awful after pains I experienced. On Kate’s next visit I mentioned a strange feeling when I sat in the bath, not pain, more discomfort. I told her I thought I’d done something to my tailbone and she said “it did take a battering down there!”

We wondered if labour had had the slow frustrating pace due to the cord around his neck. Kate asked if I felt Eddie had been less confident as he might have preferred to have Dolores present. Or maybe it was just my age and the poor muscle tone of my well-used womb? Who knows?

It took some time to settle on the gorgeous one’s name. Eamonn was 5 lbs 6 ozs on day 5 but had put on 12 ozs 6 days later, despite sleeping 9 hours one night! (I’m sure he won’t repeat that length of sleep for over 2 years).

Kate was marvellous on all her visits and frequent phone calls. The first day I got dressed Eamonn was 16 days old and it was for the benefit of a photographer from “The Farmers’ Journal” taking a photo to accompany a home birth article. I had some outstanding visitors in terms of food and general appreciation of what I needed, whether it was company or a supply of nutritious snacks by my bed. (Thank you Nora, Viv, Deirdre and Natacha)

Babies are amazing. The more I have, the more I want!

Women are amazing. Birth has taught me more about myself than all my years at school or college.

Midwives are just incredible. Hug your midwife today!

Monica O'Connor