Birth Account
of
Lia Caitlin Minty Ryan

Born 23rd May 1998
Mother Gill Ryan
Midwife Kate Spillane

The pregnancy was un-stressed and visits from Kate involved Donald as well. Apart from a few 'is it safe?' or 'you're very brave' comments, most people were supportive of our decision to have a home birth. My mother, who had had such a horrendous experience when I was born in hospital, was delighted I wouldn't have to go through what she had. Friends who'd had negative experiences in hospital were envious. Talking to other parents at home birth meetings helped us feel 'normal'.

At the Home Birth conference in April, I was asked if we would record the birth for a radio programme. They needed a home birth due in May. Donald was keen and I agreed because we had had such a positive experience with Kate and were so pro-home birth that we wanted to do our bit to promote it. We were interviewed beforehand and left with a recorder to switch on at any stage during the labour or birth.

Preparation for the big event involved hiring a Tens machine, stocking up on lavender oil and arnica and keeping a supply of disposal sheets handy. An aunt of mine offered to come and boil the copious amounts of water she was sure we'd need! Kate was wonderfully down-to-earth when we discussed our list of 'things to do'. She was also able to calm my worry of going into labour while I was out and having to make a mad dash home. Little did I know how much time I would have.

The sense of anticipation as her due date came and went was worse than when I was a child waiting for Christmas. Imagine not knowing which day Christmas would fall. I felt ready to meet this little person whose feet kept poking out to shake hands with us and I was certainly ready to take the weight off my complaining pelvis. After a week of false starts and scrubbing floors (doesn't work), labour began at 11.30, just as we were brushing our teeth before bed. I knew this one was different as the force of it sent me backwards, unceremoniously, on to the toilet seat.

Donald was a little cynical, and hopeful I think, that it wasn't the real thing so he could go asleep, but after timing them it was obvious that they were lasting exactly a minute and were 15 minutes apart. We called Kate, who suggested trying to get some sleep as we were probably in for a long haul, and to call her when they got closer or if I had a show. Donald gratefully took this advice and fell asleep but I sat up in bed amazed that it was really happening and dealing with a period-type pain every 15 minutes, thinking I was great.

At about 5.30am, I woke Donald and told him things were getting heavier and I needed some comfort. We called Kate, who suggested a bath. As soon as I got into the water, there was instant relief. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. It didn't take the pain away, but it took the edge off the peak of the contraction and helped me relax between them. I began to retreat to an inner place and everything outside was a distraction, even Donald's voice, which I kept telling him was too loud. When Kate arrived, she was whispering, as if she knew.

Kate asked if she could examine me, the first internal exam of my pregnancy. I was disappointed that I was only 2cms dilated, reasoning that if it took over seven hours to reach 2cm, I'd be in labour for 35 hours! But I went back to my inner place, where time didn't exist and dealt with the pain, shifting and groaning in the bath and lapping water on my belly between contractions. As each one approached, I knew I could deal with the early stage, but dreaded the peak. But knowing that the whole thing lasted a minute, the peak must just be a matter of seconds and that made it feel manageable.

Images of birth went through my head. One was of a home birth with a two and a half hour labour which I'd read about and half hoped for. The other was of a friend's nightmare experience in hospital. I knew I wasn't going to have the 'dream' birth but knowing I wasn't going to have the nightmare birth either made me feel positive. Every so often, a remembered comment about epidurals being wonderful things popped into my head and a very small part of me wondered if I was mad not to have pain relief, then the images of lying on my back, having an injection and being surrounded by strangers would come back and I'd know I was doing the right thing.

The one thing I knew I couldn't do, and wondered how other women did it, was walk. Each contraction turned my legs to jelly, and while I adopted many different positions, the last thing I could have done was wander from room to room. And if someone had told me that I had to get into a car and travel anywhere, least of all a hospital, I would have fought with every inch of me to stay where I was.

Eventually Kate suggested leaving the bath and moving into the bedroom. She examined me a second time and said nothing. I knew this was a bad sign, Kate always informs us what's going on. Donald asked. 3-4cm she whispered. I nearly cried, I felt I'd been at it forever.

Ihad put the Tens machine back on when I got out of the bath, but I was feeling the contractions very much to the front, at the base of my bump. I think it would have been more helpful had I experienced it more to the back, but I ended up ripping it off because it was annoying me.

Then the nausea which had been niggling since morning increased and I threw up prodigiously, not on the disposable sheets Kate had supplied in abundance, but all over the other side of the bed.

This was the low-point of my labour. I felt like I was sick and all I wanted was to curl up in bed with a hot water bottle and feel sorry for myself. I felt out of control and I just wanted to give in, but the baby wasn't going to stop coming just because I didn't feel well. Kate was wonderful, soothing me and telling me I was doing a great job.

Then things began to change pace. I had set myself a psychological barrier of 8cms, and I didn't want to hear another thing until I was there. Contractions were speeding up and I wanted to stand. I felt a huge release and warmth down my legs. My waters had broken. I felt almost victorious.

Kate examined me again and I was there - 8cms. But the pain was more intense. I was having difficulty coping, but the fact I was so close kept me going. Kate told me to make as much noise as I wanted, it would help the pain. She told Donald if we wanted photos of the labour, to take them soon or it would be too late. He also took the opportunity to put the recorder on without letting me know, so I wasn't self-conscious.

I began to feel the urge to push, but Kate told me to wait. I was moaning a 'circular' sound which seemed to help me. Donald sprayed my face with chilled lavender water while I sometimes stood and sometimes knelt, using him for support.

The pressure was so intense, I felt myself lose bowel control, but I was past caring and Kate was so gentle and so understanding, I didn't feel as embarrassed I thought I would have. She said I could start pushing and I began to feel myself actually expanding. It was so bizarre, I envisaged a clothes hanger shape expanding inside me.

The aim was to squeeze this hanger into a shape I could pass out. Every push seemed to bring it closer, but then it would retreat inside me again. This visualisation was so vivid, that when Kate asked if I wanted to feel the baby's head, I almost said 'what baby?'. I touched between my legs and felt something spongy and wet. I was so inside my place that it didn't mean anything to me, I couldn't figure what it was. Then we heard little squeaking noises and Kate was amazed, it was the baby.

Her head was out and she was already trying to make noise. It felt real then and Kate told me one more would do it, but I couldn't and had to wait for the next contraction. An almighty push and the 'shape' got suddenly wider then suddenly slimmer and slippery and she was out. I was on my knees, facing Donald with my hands on his thighs for support, so neither of us could see.

Kate held her up and said 'what do we have?'. I heard Donald weeping 'a wee girl' And writing this I can feel as if it was yesterday every emotion that welled up inside me. It was perfect that she was a girl, she had come from inside me, I had done it and now I was finally going to meet my daughter. I thought the emotions would never subside enough for me to stop crying with joy. And when Kate laid her on my chest and I saw her for the first time, I felt this powerful, overwhelming love. We knew her name was Lia immediately, but I wanted 'amazing' for a middle name. We settled on Caitlin later.

My home birth experience wasn't all candles and flowers, it was primal and painful but it was also gentle, empowering and the most worthwhile achievement of my life. I didn't have a single tear and I put that down to the freedom to adopt my own positions.

My lasting feeling is that every birthing woman deserves a Kate. She was almost not there when I didn't need her, unobtrusive and quietly supportive. I also think it's the post-natal care a home birth midwife provides that really sets them apart. Kate and Donald took Lia to have her first bath as I lay gratefully on the bed, unable to move.

Kate then gave me a gentle bed bath and I felt mothered myself. She coached us through the early hits-and-misses of breastfeeding. She stayed over the first two nights to help with night feeds. The second night in particular I couldn't have done without her help. No matter how informed you are about breastfeeding, nothing prepares you for that mid-night crisis of confidence.

She also helped bolster us against all the 'helpful comments' new parents are bombarded with. Other parents remarked on how calm and confident we were (one of the reasons being we knew Kate was at the other end of the phone whenever we needed her) and the fact that Donald was so good with Lia, having been involved from the very beginning. And the best thing about a homebirth - being able to fall asleep on your first night as a family in your own bed, together.

Listening to the tape afterwards was a revelation and we were both glad we had agreed to it. We have a lasting record of the actual moment of Lia's birth, her first sounds and our reactions to her. I'd advise anyone else to record their births.

When the programme was broadcast, the contrast between the gentleness of my labour and the harshness of the hospital ones was dramatic. Anyone interested in hearing for themselves can borrow the tape from the HBA library (The Health Report, RTE Radio 1, 23rd June 1998).