Rory Robert Monks
Born
6 April 1999

When I discovered I was pregnant for the second time, I knew I wanted continuity of care, control over my labour and to be listened to during this pregnancy and labour. Our first son, Daniel, was born in hospital. It was an experience I didn't particularly want to repeat.

I investigated the option of having a homebirth and into our lives walked Kate Spillane and I knew this was the woman for us. So professional and yet so motherly. And believe me if there was ever a mother who needed to be mothered it was me! The main reason for this was because the first anniversary of my mother's death was the same month that my baby was due and I missed her desperately all during my pregnancy and knew my baby's arrival would be a bitter-sweet time.

Again, I was lucky to enjoy a trouble free pregnancy and really enjoyed Kate's visits. My labour started in the exact same way as my first, even at the exact same time - I was awoken by my waters breaking to the sound of Ringsend Church ringing 3.00 a.m. Thinking my second labour would probably be shorter than my first (which was 12 hours in total), I woke Robert to tell him we'd have a baby by 3.00 p.m. in the afternoon at the latest. Big mistake!

I decided to get some sleep as I wasn't experiencing any pain and was thrilled to be able to snuggle down and not to have to wake Daniel, bundle him into the car, get him minded and head off to hospital. At about 7.00 a.m. I rang Kate and told her my waters had broken but that I was only experiencing very mild pains. She said she's come over. She arrived at about 8.00 a.m. - still nothing much happening. We chatted for a while and had some breakfast. I urged Kate to go and do some visits or something but she refused. At about 11.30 a.m. she examined me. And the dignity of that examination - to be actually asked if I would like to be examined meant so much to me. I was only 2 cm.

We whiled the afternoon away - watching racing, looking at our photos from Australia and Asia, complimenting Robert on his ironing skills and walking around Ringsend Park. Not the stuff of labour you might say and you'd be right! Kate examined me for a second time at about 6.00 p.m. and I was 2½ cm! I felt like crying and really felt like a fraud for having Kate there all day with zilch going on!!!! But she kept saying that when things started to happen, it would happen very quickly so she didn't want to leave me. And boy was she right!

Then Kate gave me a remedy and suggested I try to get some sleep. So I had a lovely sleep for about an hour awaking at about 7.00 p.m. When I woke I felt things were starting to happen. I went downstairs to discover both Kate and Robert snoring - one on each couch in the sitting room. During the next hour the contractions got stronger but were still very manageable. As an aside, watching Robert watching Kate throughout the day kept me amused. He had convinced himself that she knew something we didn't i.e. that she knew when this baby was going to arrive. So anything she did, he did too - when Kate ate, Robert ate too. If she moved, so did he. He was hilarious. When she started to unpack her car, he poured himself a swift drink, stuck a note on the door and put on the soundtrack to Betty Blue.

At 8.00 p.m., as the intensity of the contractions was starting to increase, I had a bath but as I didn't get a huge amount of relief from that I didn't linger. Found myself back downstairs at about 8.20 p.m. and what followed was the most intense, excruciating, agonising pain I have ever experienced. I kept telling myself that I would gather myself and take control when the next contraction ended but there was really no break - when one contraction ended the next began immediately even stronger.

All my breathing exercises went out the window - I just couldn't get it together. At this stage I was moaning long gutteral sounds on my knees leaning on Robert's knees thinking I wasn't going to get through it.

Suddenly, in the middle of all this I felt the strongest urge to push, which I could barely tell Kate about. Then after one or two pushes, that burning, stretching feeling like you're going to split in half and the head was out.

One more contraction and our second son was born! Kate caught him and held him up so we could see if it was a boy or a girl and passed him to me immediately.

We gazed at him in love, wonderment and awe - our gorgeous son. I was still shaking and couldn't take it all in - couldn't believe it had all happened so quickly in the end - about 20 minutes of painful contractions.

When the cord stopped pulsating, Robert cut it and then I delivered the placenta - much easier than I thought it was going to be. The bit I didn't like was the fact that I was still experiencing contractions - quite painful ones too. I remember thinking that this was really unfair having just delivered a baby.

Kate then weighed Rory - 7 lb 8 ozs (1 oz heavier than his brother was) and gave me a quick exam - no tears - the massage worked!

After that we called our friend, Ethel, who was minding Daniel so he was with us very shortly afterwards. The amazing thing was that even though he was only 2½ at the time, he still talks about that night.

By 11.30 p.m. Robert, Rory and I were all tucked up in our bed. Had a reasonably good night's sleep although the after birth pains were still pretty bad, especially when Rory breastfed.

We were awoken at about 8.00 a.m. the next morning with Kate letting herself in. Kate's after care was second to none and this is the most glorious unexpected bonus of homebirth. She took such good care of me and ensured I got loads of sleep which really helped combat the weepiness which I experienced after Daniel. I treasure the memory of that day.

Every pregnant woman deserves a Kate and the satisfying and empowering experience I had.

Incidentially, Rory was born on my brother's birthday - which meant that both my mother and I gave birth on the same day, albeit a good few years apart. I found I got great strength from this and knew she was with me on that day.

Bernie Wemyss